Wiz: Two marquis warriors, arcade rivals since the 90’s, now facing off for true superiority. Boomstick: Ryu, the wandering world warrior. Wiz: And Scorpion, the ninja from Hell. Boomstick: He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick. Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win… a Death Battle. (*Cues: Street Fighter Assasin’s Fist – Dragon Punch*) Wiz: Endlessly walking the earth and improving his fighting skill is the life of Ryu, the Japanese martial artist without a home. Boomstick: But there’s more to this karate hobo than meets the eye. After being dumped on a doorstep by his douchebag parents, he was adopted by the mysterious Gouken. From that moment on, Ryu dedicated his life to martial arts. Probably on some sort of parental vengeance quest. Wiz: He trained alongside his best friend and rival, Ken Masters. Gouken taught them the Ansatsuken, or Assassin’s Fist fighting style. But the name is actually a bit misleading. While originally designed as a means to murder, Gouken’s personal take on the Ansatsuken is based around karate, kenpo, judo, and NOT killing people. Unlike the ways of his violent brother, Akuma, who, ultimately, would prove to be his undoing. (*Cues: Street Fighter Assassin’s Fist – Lake Run*) Boomstick: Oh yeah, he can fingerpaint! Well, the Assassin’s Fist isn’t your average McDojo style. His Ryu Shoryuken is an uppercut so powerful, it launches his victims sky high. The Hadoken uses a fighter’s willpower to fire a blast of energy and destroy evil things, like… waterfalls. Wiz: And… physics? Boomstick: And finally the Tatsu, uuuh… Tatsu…maki…senpuu.. Wiz: Tatsumaki Senpukyaku. Boomstick: I HAD IT! Anyway, the thing I totally know how to pronounce gives the finger to gravity and lets him briefly fly around like some human helicopter kicking machine. Wiz: He also has a powerful step kick he calls the Joudan Sokutogeri. Boomstick: Hey! We don’t have the translation for that one! I’m on it. (*Types Joudan Sokutougeri into Google Translate.*) Boomstick: AND DIARRHEA JOKE FOOT?!! HAHAHAHA (*Cues: Street Fighter 3: 3rd Strike – Ryu Stage) Boomstick: What does it do?! Kick people in the stomach so hard that he takes them to Brown Town?! Wiz: With the CORRECT kanji it’s more like… “High Level Leg Blade Kick”. Boomstick: You know it’s “Diarrhea Kick” forever in my mind now, right? Wiz: *Sigh* At the age of 23, Ryu entered the first World Warrior Tournament to test his skills. He swept through nine powerful combatants before taking on the champion, Sagat. After a hard fought battle, Sagat was set to take the win… Boomstick: …until he made the mistake of being a good sport. After beating the shit out of Ryu, Sagat offered him a helping hand up. Instead of taking it, Ryu gave him a surprise punch SO HARD it ripped his chest open and nearly killed the guy. Dick move, Ryu. Dick move. (*Cues: Street Fighter IV – Theme of Evil Ryu*)
Wiz: This was Ryu’s first taste of the dark power buried within him: the Satsui no Hado. Literally the Surge of Murderous Intent. Boomstick: Still not as good a name as the “Diarrhea Joke Foot”. Wiz: The Satsui no Hado gives Ryu incredible power but at the expense of his humanity. He can tap a portion of this power to safely enhance his attacks however, should his desire to win become so great he would even commit murder, the Satsui no Hado can overwhelm him and he will lose control, becoming Evil Ryu. Boomstick: Now we’re talkin’! Wiz: Evil Ryu has enormous power to the point of being almost unstoppable. He can even blast a skyscraper to smithereens. Boomstick: He can teleport short distances, even passing through attacks along the way. More impressively, despite Gouken never teaching him this, Evil Ryu can use the Ansatsuken’s forbidden technique, the Shun Goku Satsu, more commonly known as the Raging Demon. (*Cues: Street Fighter IV – Akuma vs. Ryu*) Wiz: With this, Evil Ryu turns his foe’s own sins against them and eradicates their soul. It was this exact attack, which Akuma, a master of the Dark Hado, used to murder Ryu’s master. Since then, Akuma has been haunting Ryu, tempting to succumb and fully commit to the dark Satsui No Hado as well. Basically, this is “Karate Star Wars”. Boomstick: Oh, you call everything Star Wars. Wiz: Well, some even speculate that Akuma is Ryu’s father. Boomstick: Mother of God…It is “Karate Star Wars”! Wiz: But Gouken’s teachings instilled a powerful belief in Ryu. If he can resist and shun this dark temptation, he can attain an even greater power. Boomstick: By detaching himself from all emotion, he enters an alternate state of consciousness. Wiz: Like a Jedi. Boomstick: This boosts his speed, power, and can do all sorts of crazy shit to his abilities. Wiz: This is the Power of Nothingness. Boomstick: Stupid name! Wiz: The Power of Nothingness is more focused than the Dark Hado, allowing Ryu complete control over his mind and body. Gouken even once used this power to separate himself from his soul in order to survive Akuma’s Raging Demon. Surprise! Obi Wan is still alive! (*Cues: Marvel Vs Capcom 3 – Theme of Ryu*) Boomstick: Ryu is skilled enough to take on numerous thugs at once, tough enough to survive being impaled, and strong enough to overpower the genetically-created super warrior Seth. Oh, and he’s fast enough to dodge point blank gunfire! Wiz: Yet as Evil Ryu his aura’s so strong he can just walk through bullets. Boomstick: That being said, being the Street Fighter poster boy doesn’t mean he’s the top world warrior. He’s lost a number of matches fair and square against the likes of M. Bison, Oro, and even his best friend Ken. Wiz: However, many of these losses may stem from his struggle to contain the power of the dark Satsui no Hado, which is obviously quite difficult to do in the middle of battle. Boomstick: But when Ryu unleashes his full potential, stay the fuck out of his way! Evil Ryu: My name is Ryu, and the ultimate power has awakened within me! Wiz: From Earthrealm to Outworld there were few who didnt fear the ruthless clan known as the Lin Kuei. Boomstick: Except the Shirai Ryu; a clan with some serious balls. Not only do they defect from the Lin Kuei, they mocked them on a daily basis by wearing obvious palette-swaps of their clothes. They also like to pull classic pranks like annoying phone calls, TP-ing Lin Kuei homes and constantly slaughtering their loved ones. Haha, got ’em! Wiz: From the Shirai Ryu came Hanzo Hasashi, the hellish ninja of vengeance. But before he became the stuff of nightmares, he was once an ordinary young child …whose father just happened to be a deadly assassin. In hopes of sparing him from a violent life of regret and murder, Hanzo’s father forbade him from ever joining the clan. Boomstick: Sorry son, you’re not allowed to be awesome. (*Cues: Lower Mines/The Pit – Mortal Kombat Deception*) Wiz: However, as time went on, Hanzo became desperate. he needed a way to support not only himself but also his wife and son. Faced with few other options, he reluctantly disobeyed his father and began the life on a ninja assassin. Boomstick: As a ninja, Hanzo is exceptionally skilled in Ninjutsu, Pi Gua, Hapkido and numerous secret Chinese martial arts. But it’s his weapon of choice that earned him the nickname Scorpion. (*Cues: Scorpion’s Theme – Mortal Kombat 9*) Scorpion: GET OVER HERE! Boomstick: While his kunai-in-a-rope is iconic and deadly, I’m more partial to whatever the hell that snake creature is that lives in his hand. Well, in whatever form, it impales the opponent and pulls them in close, usually for a sweet uppercut to the jaw. Wiz: This is similar to an ancient assassination weapon used in the Tang dynasty called the Rope Dart. It’s extremely difficult to master, making Scorpion’s finesse all the more impressive. Boomstick: He’s also profesioned with several weapons like long swords, twin katanas and axes. Dan Forden: Toasty! Wiz: Scorpion’s weaponry and kombat prowess were put to the ultimate test by the legendary Lin Kuei warrior Bi-Han, a.k.a. Sub-Zero. (*Cues: Soul Chamber Theme – Mortal Kombat Trilogy*) Wiz:And things didn’t go so well for our yellow-clad ninja. Next thing he knew, Scorpion was waking up in the Netherrealm. Boomstick: More commonly known as Hell. Bet you wished you listened to Dad now, then maybe you could have ended up in a happier place, with your murdered wife and kid–oh yeah, they´re dead too. Wiz: Enraged at Sub-Zero for apparently killing all whom he’d sworn to protect, Scorpion scored a second chance striking a deal with the sorcerer Quan Chi. In exchange for his loyalty, Scorpion was resurrected as a phantom of the Netherrealm FFF FIGHT (*Cues: Reptile’s Theme (Skrillex) – Mortal Kombat 9*) Boomstick: And being reborn as a demon of vengeance has its perks. Scorpion can now teleport, summon fire at will and create portals in and out of the Netherrealm he was spawned from, literally dragging others to Hell! Whilst there, his +1s can enjoy such tourist locations as Lava Pit and witness the corpse-burning celebration called the Festival of Torture. Fun times! Wiz: The Netherrealm is the source of Scorpion’s demonic power and his strength rises simply by his being there. Boomstick: Scorpion is so vicious he can perform no fewer than thirteen different Fatalities. Wiz: He can rip a person’s head from their body – spine included. Boomstick: That’s not something you just do, that’s art right there. Wiz: Rip off his mask to show his true face- Boomstick: AAAAAH, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?!?! Wiz: And score a kill by transforming into a, well, giant scorpion, of course. … or a penguin. Boomstick: Wait, WHAT?! Wiz: And although Scorpion was far from the most powerful kombatant in the Mortal Kombat tournament, he has defeated lethal warriors across multiple worlds. He’s conquered sorcerers, demons, cyborgs, and eventually avenged his death by incinerating Bi-Han in the Netherrealm. Boomstick: But it turns out that that Sub-Zero guy was kind of innocent. The man actually responsible for the death of his family was Quan Chi. You know, that guy he swore himself to and has been working for this whole time? Man, Scorpion’s kinda like the Charlie Brown of Mortal Kombat. (*Cues: A Charlie Brown Christmas – Christmas Time is Here (Instrumental)*) Wiz: As penance for his mistake, Scorpion dedicated his life after death to protecting the late Sub-Zero’s younger brother…Sub-Zero. Boomstick: Though he still found time for shootin’ threes, hittin’ homers, and hosting his own cooking show! VO: This week on “Cooking with Scorpion”, learn about chopping…. Boomstick: Yeah, I’m not gonna trust anything that guy makes. Does he even eat anymore? Wiz: Aside from his weakness for the culinary arts, Scorpion’s win-loss record is not as intimidating as you might think. But consider the outrageous scope of his competition. Boomstick: Any way you look at it, its tough to be much more of a badass then a fire-breathing skeleton ninja from Hell. Scorpion: I am Scorpion, vengeance will be mine! Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set, let’s end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: But first, wanna win the original script for this episode signed by Wiz and myself?? Use the widget link below to choose the fighter you think will prevail and you’ll automatically be entered to win. Boomstick: And now it time for a DEATH BATTLE!!! Scorpion: Get over here! (*Cues: Street Fighter IV – Volcanic Rim Opening Version*) Ryu: Can’t fool me! Ryu: Come on! FIGHT! Scorpion: Come here! Ryu: Can you stand up after that? Ryu: I’ll finish this! Scorpion: YOU WILL JOIN ME IN HELL! Ryu: Hmmm, this is some fight! Ryu: Neither of us has reached our full potential! Scorpion: As if that matters! Ryu: It’s not over! (*Cues: Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance – A Soul Can’t be Cut*) Evil Ryu: Surprised? Evil Ryu: I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT I’M MADE OF! Evil Ryu: Don’t expect mercy! Evil Ryu: GOTCHA! Ryu: Concentrate… I will NOT succumb to evil! Ryu: I walk the path of a true warrior. THIS IS THE POWER OF MANKIND! SHINKU-HADOUKEN! Ryu: I walk a path… with no end. Scorpion: I will crush your bones! KO! Boomstick: I’m no chef but that looks a bit overcooked. Wiz: Ryu’s Satsui no Hado and the Power of Nothingness were incredibly powerful, but raw power alone is not enough to destroy Scorpion. Boomstick: Yet, Scorpion’s advantage of already being dead didn’t make this a cakewalk. In fact Ryu had a perfect way to permanently end Scorpion: the soul-killing Raging Demon, but he could avoid the instant murder move, thanks to his awesome ninja skills and teleportation. Wiz: Not to mention Ryu has very little experience actually using the Raging Demon anyway. But most importantly, Scorpion’s strength increases the longer he remains in the Netherrealm, with no defining limit. Once trapped in hell with Scorpion, Ryu stood little chance in the long run. Boomstick: Zero chance if Scorpion just upped and teleported him into a pool of lava, which he could totally do. Scorpion was just too hot to handle. Wiz: The Winner is Scorpion. B: Next Time on Death Battle Wiz: Got an idea for a Death Battle, Let’s us know in the comments below Boomstick: And please like, share and subscribe and I will be happy with you Wiz: And click the animation to see what happens to behind the scenes when Boomstick and I get behind the mic. Boomstick: And just the heads up that videos and advantage videos and our premium services on ScrewAttack, It’s the best way to support the show and only cause four bucks a month.