[Karl:] April Fools!
(Laughs) I got you! I bet you thought
I fatally stabbed myself in the chest! Hnnngh- Nope! Just punctured a lung, suckers! Man, I love pranks. I especially love pranking
my best friend slash mortal enemy I call him DK for short. The extra K is for Anyway. DK is a moron and falls
for every prank in the book. Razor wire on the toilet seat, six hundred poison dart frogs
delivered to his home, the whoopie cushion, you know. all the regulars. Huh. Can’t seem to stop this bleedin’ here. Heh. A-anyway. As fun as pranks are, it IS possible to take them too far. And it brings us to the Now, me and DK have been best buds ever since we starred in the first Dark Ninja movie together. We also try to murder each other
like twice a week, but that’s just what good friends do. Anyway, I been pranking DK for years
and it was time to step up my game. It started out like any other April Fools’, with me framing DK for murder. He wakes up with various dead hookers
and politicians strewn about his bedroom, he freaks out, almost takes his own life,
and I come in laughing my head off. And then we eat breakfast. Now here comes the fun part. After slippin’ a poison dart frog into his cereal, he’s distracted just enough for me
to get a DNA sample off him. Then I take that to the lab, splice it with some dinosaur DNA, slap it on another poison dart frog, and jam that frog down his throat. After running to the sink to rinse out his mouth, and falling for yet another prank, he starts to feel a little queasy. Was it from eating the two poison dart frogs? Or maybe it’s the mutant DNA
coursing through his body. It’s from me replacing the city’s water supply with high powered laxitives. So now DK has to run to the bathroom
to spend a couple smelly hours on the toilet, but, not before falling victim to yet another prank. While DK is in the bathroom, the mutant DNA starts
to violently change his body. He explodes out of the bathrom and
is about to tear me limb from limb, but that’s when I calmly tell him it’s just a prank, and the antidote is in this tablet. By the time he realized it was trick gum, I ran for cover to watch him destroy the city. Eventually, the rage subsided, his body turned back to normal and he passed out in the street. I was about to put his hand in some warm water
so he’d piss his pants, thus completing my ultimate prank, but I realized he was dead. I was completely devastated. April Fools’ was ruined! I guess the prank was really on me. Or maybe DK. Or the city, or anyone who drank the water.
Whatever. Well, I hope you all learned something
from today’s life lesson. Now, don’t worry about DK. He’s seriously impossible to kill. He’s like, uh, Wolverine, or Keith Richards. Right, DK? [DK:] That’s right, asshole. I had to dig myself out
of another grave, thanks to you. Uh, Karl? You seem to be bleeding an awful lot for a weekday. [Karl:] Oh, I’m fine. I’ll just jam
a paper towel in there or some shit. That’s it for this week. But I’ll leave you with Karl- blegh [DK:] Huh. Just put that in here… Dick.